i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
