do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
