I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
