NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
