i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize