Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
