...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
