He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
