got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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