Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
