naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
