I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
