fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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