Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
