have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
