New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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