Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do herpes really smell.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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