so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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