sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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