He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
