i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I enjoy the company of your penis
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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