I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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