You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
