I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
