I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
