so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
