this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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