im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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