So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
