when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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