Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
