you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
