i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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