look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
