12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
