I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
