so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
