no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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