I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
