what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
