Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
