Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
