God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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