my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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