i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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