I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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