Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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