dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
