I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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