Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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