This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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