Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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