I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You took a bar mat shot.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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