I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
