Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
