I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
