i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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