no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
