how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
