you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
