no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
