Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
