Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
