not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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