She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
