he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
